


All The Trappings Of Hunger

by fetchtheboltcutters



Category: Original Work
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Assassins & Hitmen, Cheating, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Stalking, straight sex :/, this may not be good at first but it’s also my first work so cut me some slack it’ll get there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fetchtheboltcutters/pseuds/fetchtheboltcutters
Summary: “I want you to stab me with your knife Is it too much to ask for you to end my life? You watch the light go in my eyes It feels the same as when you're inside”In which an investigator becomes obsessed with the target of a serial killer.





	1. A Case Of You

In the fog of the early morning, Julien kissed his wife goodbye. She smelled familiar, like daisy perfume and spinach smoothie. She always uttered “be safe” into his cheeks as she kissed him in the morning. And off he went into the cool, wet morning air. He adored his routines at home because anything could and often did go wrong at work. The scene he was showing up to was supposed to be gruesome. Ten bodies, seven “mutilated”. He had asked his partner, Carr, how the bodies had been mutilated but Carr refused to say more. Then again, Carr had never been a talkative man. So maybe it meant nothing, surely it couldn’t be that bad. Julien had seen some gruesome sights in his day, he and Carr had seen dead children who’d appeared to be beaten to death. They’d seen muder suicides of whole families including small children and good mothers committed by husbands. Julien tried to convince himself that whatever he saw today, would be nothing in comparison. But still he felt an enormous pressure in his stomach, he hated surprises especially those related to work. 

He gritted his teeth as he got out of his car, he gave his half hearted greeting to the cops out front. The scene was in a penthouse of all places and as he walked into the lobby, Carr sidled up with him. “We have no security footage of anybody leaving the penthouse,” Carr said dryly. Julien sighed. Sometimes being an investigator was more like following dead ends just so you could check them off and leave them alone. “Good news is, we’ve got a witness, says that when the shooting happened, she played dead,” Carr added in a gruff voice. Good, if fate was kind maybe they’d solve a case. But Julien’s heart was still racing, Carr was purposely leaving out the state of the bodies found. Usually Carr was a direct, no fluff kind of man. 

The penthouse was grand, with large windows letting in light from the fickle sun. It was almost calm, until they walked further into the huge living room. The leather furniture was covered in slowly congealing blood. The seven male bodies were sat together on the ocean blue suede couch near the window. They had varying amounts of clothes on but they were all missing their genitals. One of them being a fat, bald man who had his mouth opened with his severed genitals stuffed inside. Julien gagged at the sight. Their genitals were cut clean off, balls and all. The female bodies seemed to be untampered with. The smell of blood was so strong, he had to breathe through his mouth. He liked to think he was used to that smell, but never so strong. It coated nearly every inch of the rug at the center of the room. The female bodies were strung across the room carelessly while the men were lined up and mutilated. The manner of killing matched the Washington serial killer his team dubbed, “The Blue Ribbon Killer” for the perfect manner of killing, no one had ever been witness to the crime, never any fingerprints or footage. They didn’t even know if their killer was male or female. All they knew was that each kill was flawless and strange, almost as though the killer wanted to show off. 

“Our witness was shot in the shoulder, she has some sort of gang tattoo on her stomach, we’re comparing it to some known gangs of the area now” Carr explained as they walk through the long eerie halls of the hospital. The smell of antiseptic tickled Julien’s nose as they stopped at a room. “When we get in there, you do the talking. You’re better with women than I am” Carr said dryly. Julien might have laughed if it weren’t true. Carr wasn’t the warmest man around and if you didn’t know him, his every word could seem piercing. 

The girl had long black hair and when he gently touched her arm, her eyes opened and her gaze fixed on him. There was something pure in her blue eyes, something young and vulnerable. “I’m Julien and this is my partner Carr, we’re investigating what happened in the penthouse” Julien says in a soft, placating voice. The very last thing he wanted to do was upset her. She already looked fragile, like she might break off into shards of glass any moment. “I’m Lilith” She finally spoke. Her voice was so cultivated, so gentle and sugary. Julien felt an instant fondness for her. “Who gave you the tattoo on your stomach, Lillith?” He asked. Lillith’s eyes suddenly widened with fear. Her hands shook. “Whoever gave you those tattoos can’t hurt you now, we won’t let them,” Julien assures. He didn’t even know if he could guarantee what he said but his first instinct was to protect her. 

Lilith looked at the man who had her black hair and blue eyes. She thought he must be a womanizer, the way he knew what to say, always. He was like her in that way. She instantly wanted to know what he was made of. She had always had a thing for the icy eyed, dark haired men and Julien happened to make her blood sing. “I can’t tell you...they’d kill me. They probably already want me dead for not having the money” She groaned. “We might be able to protect you from the person who gave you those tattoos, but we can’t protect you from the killer and who’s to say he won’t finish what he started?” Julien asserted, his expression growing grim suddenly. “You have to help me” She whispered, her voice no longer washed with complete fear she was a bit aroused frankly. She quickly covered her thrill with her bambi in headlights look. She was incredibly intrigued by his sudden change of tune. He was almost threatening her. “You know, they’re thinking about sending you to jail for prostitution but if you tell me what happened, they might be able to believe you were in the penthouse for nontransactional sex” Julien said silently cursing himself for being so harsh. As much as he wanted to help her, sometimes you had to be firm with witnesses, or they’d merrily deny you even a police sketch. 

She gave them a description. He was a tall man with dark brown hair and stubble, a tan and honey brown eyes. Carr stood up as soon as he wrote down the description but Lilith’s hand reached out and grabbed Julien’s. Her long fingers encircled his forearm. “Don’t leave” She breathed. Julien shivered from the sudden touch. Just then, a red headed nurse in purple scrubs bustled in. “It’s time for Miss Romano’s meds” She said sharply. Julien took the hint. “I’ll be back,” He assured her. And as soon as he walked out the door, he could feel her eyes on him. He knew he’d have to make good on his promise, because he still needed information about her tattoo, of course but there was something else. Something about the vulnerability and fear in her eyes spoke to him. Something about her, wrapped itself around Julien’s conscience and deprived it of air. He couldn’t stop thinking about her eyes, how they seemed to lighten when he threatened her. How, through the haze of painkillers, she managed to look so awake and feverish. Her gaze was fearful but almost hiding something close to...intoxication.


	2. Shadowboxer

Lilith hated hospitals, they were so excruciatingly boring. The only thing good about them was the smell of antiseptic she loved. She hated wearing a hospital gown without at least having cute underwear beneath. And her shoulder was killing her. The oxycodone left her with an uncomfortable fatigue and there was rarely ever a moment in her life when feeling tired was a useful thing. She felt disoriented and dizzy, she didn’t walk with her usual grace. Her shoulders curled inwards and every other moment she was wincing with pain. It was not glamorous. Her encounter with the investigator had left her a bit excited. So now she was restless, horny and in pain. The only thing that would make it all worthwhile was the prospect of going shopping soon with her earnings. And seeing the investigator again. 

Maybe she could fuck him in the hospital, after all, he looked interested. She began to wonder what he was like in bed. She bet he was into quick and rough sex. She would climb on top of him and ride him. She moved her gown aside and reached down her stomach to her pussy. Her fingers rubbed tight circles over her clit as she imagined pressing a knife to his throat as she rode him. She imagined his hands on her hips guiding her up and down even as fear flashed into his eyes. She smothered a moan into her hand. She imagined leaning in and biting his neck hard enough to draw blood. She was practically floating now and she slipped in her fingers as she worked her clit with her other hand. She remembered the wedding ring on his finger. He would try to smother his moans, refusing to admit her enjoyed fucking her in the bed he and his wife shared. She would speed up, making the moans spill from his lips freely as she tightened around him. The knife would dig into his skin causing just a small stream of blood to drip down the side of his neck. He would hardly notice the pain but he would grit his teeth and flinch. The imagery itself was enough to make Lilith cum. She moaned loudly into her hand as she climaxed. Afterwards, she laid in bed satisfied as if she were still in Spain, lounging in a comfortable bed, in sheets that smelled like tangerines. She sucked the wetness from her fingers as she imagined what Julien must taste like. 

Julien’s home was a sanctuary. There were always candles burning when he came home and Melodie was always waiting for him. Melodie was a dancer but she resigned herself to teaching because she knew she wanted a family. She thought their home would be filled with the cries and laughter of a baby by now but there was nothing. Julien was relieved that it had never bruised her spirit. And he had questioned whether he wanted to be a father right now. God only knew he needed a calm place to return to. Melodie was calm. He adored her, down to the way she fit in his arms. 

“How was work, Jule?” She asked as she mixed a pan of something Julien couldn’t make out. “Work was work, how was your day?” He countered, he really didn’t feel like getting into that shit. He just wanted her to bore him about the details of the dance world until he felt better. He always left work feeling useless. At home he felt important. Melodie was happy to oblige and she did bore him indeed with her complaints about certain difficult students. She pressed a plate of steaming chicken into his hands. His mind was finally off. Muscle memory carried him to the table. He was living in the only version of peace he’d ever known. 

He showered with his wife that night, and of course, they’d had sex against the mint green tile. It was an ideal night, he had been fucked, fed and yet somehow he felt as though something was haunting him. The eyes of Lilith Romano. The mixture of fear and maybe...a bit of arousal. He found his thoughts drifting to her if he didn’t focus specifically on not thinking about her. But now, in the dark, he could think of her. The girl who had his black hair and blue eyes, the girl with all the secrets, the girl with the gang tattoo. His wife was curled around him as he thought about the strange woman and her tie to the blue ribbon. He hoped they’d thought to have a guard with her. The way she’d touched him with her soft, warm fingers. It gave him chills to think about and he didn’t know why. His wife’s touch never gave such a reaction. He was happy and content to be touched by her but never so excited and uneasy. What are you doing to me, Lilith? He thought. _You’re just excited about finding the killer. She could be a major lead. She could wrap this case up forever._ His inner voice tried to justify. But he knew that wasn’t why he was so eager for the morning to come.

Lilith’s hands fidgeted with the thin hospital blanket. She needed to get out of there but she remembered her purpose. She rolled her eyes, Julien had better make good on his promise. Or she’d just go find him herself. She didn’t even have a guard to mess with. Just left to sit there like a fucking idiot. Great. She pressed her nurse’s button over and over until a stout blonde wearing black eyeshadow entered her room looking exasperated. “Do you think you could give me my clothes back?” Lilith said in a snobby, impatient tone. “They’re covered in blood?” Stout blondie faltered. “I can clean them,” Lilith smiled. “Please? They have sentimental value,” she added. Blondie turned and left the room. Lilith let her smile falter back into a scowl. Blondie returned with her clothes and set them in her lap. As expected, they were covered in her blood and the blood of the guests at the penthouse. She never wore an outfit twice but she had hoped, however unlikely, that she’d be able to salvage this outfit. She sighed.

A knock sounded at her door, it wasn’t a nurse, they usually just barged in unceremoniously. “Um...Come in!” She called. Julien strode in and stood next to the bed. “How are you feeling?” Julien asked, eyeing the clothes on her lap. “I got my clothes back,” She answered. Julien eyed the little gold dress and the matching heels sitting atop it once again. The blood soaked clothes sobered his mood a bit. “I’m...just so bored,” Lilith admitted suddenly. “In the hospital with nothing to do. It’s never fun, is it?” Julien frowned a bit, remembering his time in the hospital, a lifetime ago. “No, it never is” Lilith was taken aback. When had he been in the hospital? And for what? Probably getting his appendix removed or something boring like that. “Why were you in the hospital?” Lilith blurted, she was so used to knowing things about people that having questions about someone felt foreign. He hesitated before answering, it was complicated and he usually never spoke of it, not even to his wife who was there with him at the time. “I was shot, there was a lot of gang activity in the city I lived in at the time” He explained, lamely. “Oh...” Lilith said. _He’s a liar_ her inner voice trilled. 

“I came here to ask you more about the people you worked for” Julien continued in a voice devoid of emotion. “Of course” Lilith replied. Julien appealed to her more every moment. She thought of him as a gift to be found and unwrapped. “That tattoo on your stomach, what gang is it associated with?” Julien continued in a warmer tone. “The rival gang of the Amato family” Lilith replied curtly. “Did you recognize the man who shot you?” Julien asked. “Yes, he was part of the Amato family mafia. He was one of their contract killers, he was probably only there for me” Lilith was getting suffocatingly bored. Julien was thrilled to have a lead. Lilith watched in mild amusement as Julien’s face turned solemn with concentration. She could practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. She stifled a laugh. “They’re discharging me this afternoon, and I don’t really have a place to go...and I hate to ask but could I stay with you...just for a few days until I can sort out a place” Lilith looked up into Julien’s eyes with the most vulnerable look she could muster. 

She wasn’t actually getting discharged but she couldn’t stand being in the hospital any longer. She had never had to reach so far to go home with a man but none of them had the potential to amuse her Julien did. Julien hesitated, he liked Lilith but he hardly knew her. And would they even be safe? What would his wife say? What if the blue ribbon returned? “Please? I don’t have anywhere else to go…I thought the safest place would be with you” She said meekly. Julien’s defenses fell. She had a sweetness in that moment that softened him. “I don’t think it’s appropriate, or allowed really but you can stay a few nights” He said finally. Lilith felt giddy. 

“Thank you, you don’t know what it means to me to know there are still good people in the world” Lilith gave a pious smile to hide the deep satisfaction she felt, not at his response but with the potential of the night, of Julien, of the house to reveal something, anything exciting. How pathetic it would’ve looked to her previously, to have to find excitement in the suburban home of an investigator. But when Lilith became fixated on someone, or more often something, she couldn’t stop thinking about it until she unraveled all the fun it had to give. And then…she tossed it aside or transformed it. So that she could use it once more, for her amusement.


	3. Infallible

Julien’s home was a big, expensive and boring looking place on the outside. Lilith scratched at the skintight leggings Julien had brought for her to wear out of the hospital. He’d said they were his wife’s clothes and in that moment, an instant hatred for the unnamed woman spawned. The inside of the house was a yankee candle smelling hell. When she walked through the front door, she was greeted by the sight of a short blonde woman with delicate features introducing herself as his wife. She had a silly frilly, bumpkin name… _Melodie._ She looked easy to break. She wondered if that was part of her appeal to Julien. Did he have it in him to break her? Had he ever? Julien looked anxious. She supposed he didn’t have it in him. It was sad to see. They excused themselves to the kitchen, to argue, Lilith thought. And Lilith was left to snoop, one of the many things she was excellent at. 

Julien sighed as the kitchen door closed. Melodie spun around and he knew anger was boiling under her cool exterior. “What did you bring her here for?” She asked in a cool detached voice. “She’s got no place to go, she’s a victim of an attack at the scene I was at yesterday” Julien explained. He loved his wife but there was no way he was going to tell her he was letting the gang affiliated victim of a serial killer stay at their home. “And our house became a shelter for wayward girls, when?” Melodie asked, her irritability was starting to come out. “I’m not arguing with you about this, she’s only staying a few nights until I can sort out a plan for her” Julien stated firmly. “It’s not like I can fault you for wanting to help but I wish you would have given me a heads up...it would have been nice considering this is my house too” She sighed. “I know, I’m sorry” He apologized. “I’ll go speak to her and we’ll talk more about this later” Melodie said. Julien wasn’t sure how that would go but before he could voice his concerns, she was waltzing out the door.

Lilith looked through the black shelves in the living room, there were an obnoxious amount of self help meditation books (to have one was bad enough). Her arm hurt every time she tried to lift it and she reminded herself that she’d have to find some vicodin soon. She couldn’t believe she’d left the hospital and risked an infection for this. But there was also a photo album sitting towards the end of the shelf. It was a big scrapbook in faded navy blue and gold. She opened the book and a few pictures fell to the ground. She groaned as she leaned over to swipe them off the dark wood floors. Suddenly, Melodie strode through the door and noticed her. “Oh! Let me help you” She chimed. 

Melodie picked up the pictures gingerly and looked at each one, smiling. Her lips pulled into a frown as she flipped over the last picture. “What’s that one?” Lilith asked. Melodie gave a weak smile as she passed it over to her. It was of Julien as a teenager, his hair was slicked back and he looked dour. His pink lips almost curled into a grimace. “It’s Julien’s mugshot, it was a long time ago” She said quietly. “What’d he get arrested for?” Lilith raised an eyebrow. _The cop collaborating suburban womanizer had a record? Color me surprised_ she thought. “He shot someone...in self defense they later ruled” Melodie said in a strange way, she nearly slammed the book closed and put it back on the shelf. She returned to her calm facial expression as she smoothed her hair, probably a nervous habit. “Oh, I’m being a bad host, could I get you something to drink?” She asked warmly. But Lilith could tell she was rather good at hiding her feelings about other people. What wife would want their husband to bring home a hooker? There was something about Melodie’s normalcy that made Lilith want to roll her eyes. “No thank you” She said sweetly. “Where is Julien?” She added. “He’s getting your room ready upst-“ Melodie started before Lilith deserted the room with long elegant strides.

“What are you doing?” A sweet voice called Julien out of his thoughts. “I’m putting some new sheets on the bed” Julien looked up to see the shadow of a woman, Lilith. She filled his wife’s clothes differently from her, she was somewhat curvier and much taller than Melodie. She was leaning against the doorframe, her head cocked to one side. She watched him carefully, it made him a bit uncomfortable. Her gaze felt pointed and purposeful. “I saw your mugshot” She said randomly. Julien was taken aback, it wasn’t something Melodie liked to broadcast. Julien accepted his past but Melodie didn’t even like to _think_ about his arrest. “How’d I look?” He joked. “Delicious. What did you get arrested for?” She inquired with a hint of a smirk. “I don’t think Melodie would enjoy my broadcasting the details of my criminal past with strangers” He laughed. “Do you always do as your wife says?” She asked, sounding a little disappointed. “I was involved in a shooting… The court ruled it self defense” He sighed. What harm could it do to tell her? “And was it?” She raised her eyebrows. “No” He admitted. “Then what was it?” Lilith was growing more bemused by the second. “Senseless, that’s what it was” Julien hadn’t been grilled about the incident since it happened nearly eleven years earlier. “I didn’t mean to pry,” Lilith said meekly. “It’s alright, I’m just not used to talking about it so openly” He sighed. What good could it do keeping the secret now? 

“I had a lot of rage as a teen...I’d had a rough homelife. I acted out in school, I took my anger out on people. At school there were always people looking for a way to prove themselves. I got used to it. I was dating Mel at the time, she was smart, beautiful and so sweet. She was the new girl at school and I fell in love with her the first time I talked to her. When I stomped someone down on the ground too hard, he ended up dying and got arrested I called her and told her everything. My family didn’t want anything to do with me after that. She spent a small fortune on lawyers who managed to convince the jury that it was self defense. After all, the victim didn’t exactly have a gilt edged reputation, he had an assault charge. It turned out to be my savior” He spun the story, bringing back so many memories at once his head was starting to hurt. Lilith was enthralled. She had to fight a smile. “Do you miss it?” She asked. Julien was taken back once again. Why would she ask such a question? What was there to miss? “What?” He stopped putting clothes in the drawer. “It must have been exciting for you” She said innocently. How could anyone think like that? “No, it was terrifying. I didn’t _want_ to hurt anyone” He insisted. He didn’t want to think of that aspect. He liked to think his life now was enough excitement. “How did it feel to hurt them, then?” Lilith pressed. She watched his dour face turn grimmer. “Awful” He said automatically, looking deeply into her eyes. He finished putting the clothes in the drawer and stood up quickly. “I’ll get you some towels,” He said stiffly. He exited the room quickly, leaving Lilith to the small room. 

At night, Julien tossed and turned next to a softly sleeping Melodie. He had thought his past didn’t bother him as much as it did Melodie but look at him, in bed squirming over a few words. He hadn’t fully processed what he’d done, he decided. Melodie never wanted to talk about it after the acquittal and he didn’t think to visit a shrink. He’d pushed the feelings down in favor of his new life that had brought him so much _peace_ something that’d been a stranger to him previously. But did he like hurting people before then? Before he had calm and sanctuary? He stared up at the ceiling as he considered Lilith’s questions. Yes…it had felt good. It felt good to see them flinch under him. It made him feel strong. He’d felt strong for a moment when the writhing boy he was beating, slowly stopped moving or groaning. He felt infallible. He felt alive.


	4. Nostalgia

Julien’s home was a big, expensive and boring looking place on the outside. Lilith scratched at the skintight leggings Julien had brought for her to wear out of the hospital. He’d said they were his wife’s clothes and in that moment, an instant hatred for the unnamed woman spawned. The inside of the house was a yankee candle smelling hell. When she walked through the front door, she was greeted by the sight of a short blonde woman with delicate features introducing herself as his wife. She had a silly frilly, bumpkin name… _Melodie._ She looked easy to break. She wondered if that was part of her appeal to Julien. Did he have it in him to break her? Had he ever? Julien looked anxious. She supposed he didn’t have it in him. It was sad to see. They excused themselves to the kitchen, to argue, Lilith thought. And Lilith was left to snoop, one of the many things she was excellent at. 

Julien sighed as the kitchen door closed. Melodie spun around and he knew anger was boiling under her cool exterior. “What did you bring her here for?” She asked in a cool detached voice. “She’s got no place to go, she’s a victim of an attack at the scene I was at yesterday” Julien explained. He loved his wife but there was no way he was going to tell her he was letting the gang affiliated victim of a serial killer stay at their home. “And our house became a shelter for wayward girls, when?” Melodie asked, her irritability was starting to come out. “I’m not arguing with you about this, she’s only staying a few nights until I can sort out a plan for her” Julien stated firmly. “It’s not like I can fault you for wanting to help but I wish you would have given me a heads up...it would have been nice considering this is my house too” She sighed. “I know, I’m sorry” He apologized. “I’ll go speak to her and we’ll talk more about this later” Melodie said. Julien wasn’t sure how that would go but before he could voice his concerns, she was waltzing out the door.

Lilith looked through the black shelves in the living room, there were an obnoxious amount of self help meditation books (to have one was bad enough). Her arm hurt every time she tried to lift it and she reminded herself that she’d have to find some vicodin soon. She couldn’t believe she’d left the hospital and risked an infection for this. But there was also a photo album sitting towards the end of the shelf. It was a big scrapbook in faded navy blue and gold. She opened the book and a few pictures fell to the ground. She groaned as she leaned over to swipe them off the dark wood floors. Suddenly, Melodie strode through the door and noticed her. “Oh! Let me help you” She chimed. 

Melodie picked up the pictures gingerly and looked at each one, smiling. Her lips pulled into a frown as she flipped over the last picture. “What’s that one?” Lilith asked. Melodie gave a weak smile as she passed it over to her. It was of Julien as a teenager, his hair was slicked back and he looked dour. His pink lips almost curled into a grimace. “It’s Julien’s mugshot, it was a long time ago” She said quietly. “What’d he get arrested for?” Lilith raised an eyebrow. _The cop collaborating suburban womanizer had a record? Color me surprised_ she thought. “He shot someone...in self defense they later ruled” Melodie said in a strange way, she nearly slammed the book closed and put it back on the shelf. She returned to her calm facial expression as she smoothed her hair, probably a nervous habit. “Oh, I’m being a bad host, could I get you something to drink?” She asked warmly. But Lilith could tell she was rather good at hiding her feelings about other people. What wife would want their husband to bring home a hooker? There was something about Melodie’s normalcy that made Lilith want to roll her eyes. “No thank you” She said sweetly. “Where is Julien?” She added. “He’s getting your room ready upst-“ Melodie started before Lilith deserted the room with long elegant strides.

“What are you doing?” A sweet voice called Julien out of his thoughts. “I’m putting some new sheets on the bed” Julien looked up to see the shadow of a woman, Lilith. She filled his wife’s clothes differently from her, she was somewhat curvier and much taller than Melodie. She was leaning against the doorframe, her head cocked to one side. She watched him carefully, it made him a bit uncomfortable. Her gaze felt pointed and purposeful. “I saw your mugshot” She said randomly. Julien was taken aback, it wasn’t something Melodie liked to broadcast. Julien accepted his past but Melodie didn’t even like to _think_ about his arrest. “How’d I look?” He joked. “Delicious. What did you get arrested for?” She inquired with a hint of a smirk. “I don’t think Melodie would enjoy my broadcasting the details of my criminal past with strangers” He laughed. “Do you always do as your wife says?” She asked, sounding a little disappointed. “I was involved in a shooting… The court ruled it self defense” He sighed. What harm could it do to tell her? “And was it?” She raised her eyebrows. “No” He admitted. “Then what was it?” Lilith was growing more amused by the second. “Senseless, that’s what it was” Julien hadn’t been grilled about the incident since it happened nearly eleven years earlier. “I didn’t mean to pry,” Lilith said meekly. “It’s alright, I’m just not used to talking about it so openly” He sighed. What good could it do keeping the secret now? 

“I had a lot of rage as a teen...I’d had a rough homelife. I acted out in school, I took my anger out on people. At school there were always people looking for a way to prove themselves. I got used to it. I was dating Mel at the time, she was smart, beautiful and so sweet. She was the new girl at school and I fell in love with her the first time I talked to her. I still fought, she hadn’t figured out yet and I didn’t plan on telling her. When I stomped someone down on the ground too hard, he ended up dying and I got arrested. I called her and told her everything. My family didn’t want anything to do with me after that. She spent a small fortune on lawyers who managed to convince the jury that it was self defense. After all, the boy didn’t exactly have a gilt edged reputation, he had an assault charge his parents tried to bury. It turned out to be my savior” He spun the story, bringing back so many memories at once his head was starting to hurt. Lilith was enthralled. She had to fight a smile. “Do you miss it?” She asked. Julien was taken back once again. Why would she ask such a question? What was there to miss? “What?” He stopped putting clothes in the drawer. “It must have been exciting for you” She said innocently. How could anyone think like that? “No, it was terrifying. I didn’t _want_ to hurt anyone” He insisted. He didn’t want to think of that aspect. He liked to think his life now was enough excitement. “How did it feel to hurt them, then?” Lilith pressed. She watched his dour face turn grimmer. “Awful” He said automatically, looking deeply into her eyes. He finished putting the clothes in the drawer and stood up quickly. “I’ll get you some towels,” He said stiffly. He exited the room quickly, leaving Lilith to the small room. 

At night, Julien tossed and turned next to a softly sleeping Melodie. He had thought his past didn’t bother him as much as it did Melodie but look at him, in bed squirming over a few questions. He hadn’t fully processed what he’d done, he decided. Melodie never wanted to talk about it after the acquittal and he didn’t think to visit a shrink. He’d pushed the feelings down in favor of his new life that had brought him so much _peace_ something that’d been a stranger to him previously. But did he like hurting people before then? Before he had calm and sanctuary? He stared up at the ceiling as he considered Lilith’s questions. Yes…it had felt good. It felt good to see them flinch under him. It made him feel strong. He’d felt strong for a moment when the writhing boy he was beating, slowly stopped moving or groaning. He felt infallible. He felt alive.


	5. The First Taste

In the morning, Melodie rose up a bit before Julien. She liked to cook breakfast for Julien. Two pancakes (she hated to give him more than that, she counted the carbs and the amount made her cringe),two slices of bacon and coffee, no sugar. A green smoothie for herself, Lilith learned. It had to be some sort of masochism to want to drink blended spinach and flaxseed, a drink that produced foul breath and not much else. Lilith had spent the morning getting ready. She was glad not to be in any of Melodie’s clothes which still, even after being washed, smelled of her disgusting marc jacobs perfume. She threw the worst garments away in celebration. When she heard Julien’s heavy footsteps going down the stairs, she waited a few seconds for him to sit at the table and she went down the stairs. 

Julien looked up from his pancakes when Lilith walked in. She was in platform brown boots that made her six feet tall and very hard to ignore. She wore a short, fitted orange sweater dress with a white striped panel of fabric on the chest. The morning light caught her golden, dangling earrings and she had mod hair, curled at the ends, tied back with a brown scarf. Melodie’s eyes widened. “Where’d you get the clothes?” Julien asked. “I went shopping last night” Lilith explained, nonchalantly. “I can see that,” Julien blinked. Yesterday, a rootless young woman...today a woman who was wearing expensive looking boots. “With what money?” Julien questioned. “I was a hooker, Julien” She said matter-of-factly. Where was the girl with caution in her voice? “You came here so that I could protect you, it’d be best for you to only go shopping for necessities. For your own safety.” Julien saw Melodie’s mouth fall into a frown. It was as if he could hear her voice like a chime in his head sounding off, “I told you so! I told you so!”. But he knew his wife had never liked unexpected guests no matter what they were like so he brushed off her scowling and focused on Lilith. “The new clothes were necessities, I didn’t feel like me in Melodie’s clothes. They were actually making me a bit sad.” She responded, her deft, manicured fingers using a knife to cut the pancakes into triangles. Lilith had forgotten herself. She was bored of turning around to find the little blonde woman standing behind her, with a basket of laundry or fresh linens or small colorful bathroom soap in her arms. “Just don’t go out alone again, it’s not safe,” Julien said. He grew less optimistic at the prospect of catching the blue ribbon by the day. The most he could stand to hope for was that the killer would get bored with tormenting Seattle and maybe start killing in a place like New England, god only knows they could spare a few douchebag drunkies. 

Melodie left soon after her husband. She gave a faux sweet goodbye before bouncing out the door in brown ankle boots, mom jeans and a white cardigan, spinach smoothie in hand. Lilith rolled her eyes as she closed the door. She knew Melodie thought she was a thief. She’d noticed that all the jewelry in her jewelry was missing, probably locked in a safe. As if Lilith would be interested in her tacky, gaudy jewelry. She had her own business to attend to. She could get rid of Melodie but then she would have to leave. The fun would be over if she left, and Lilith was in no hurry. For now, she’d go to work. 

On her burner phone, a small picture popped up. In italian, basic information as written. It was a man, balding and white, he had small almond shaped eyes. He would be at the Crowne Royal hotel awaiting a hooker. Jesus, always with the hookers. No room for flair. She sighed as she went upstairs to change. Never mind any of it, she would make it fun. 

They were in the middle of discussing the new information on the blue ribbon when another murder was called in. Julien stood up from the table, he moved quicker than the other detectives. He felt a new confidence in the case or maybe he was just manic. He truly felt this case would reveal more for him, along with his secret weapon, Lilith. If he could, he might have used her gang ties to lure him back out…What a thought. He would never put Lilith in danger. He was just tired of chasing a shadow. That was all. No, he’d find another way to catch the blue ribbon. Another way. 

The death of a finance executive named Thom Perry. He was stabbed through the tear ducts with two long pins, embellished with diamonds. Once in his eyes, the pins released ricin, killing him in less than an hour. “We’ve got something” Carr said. He looked more relaxed than Julien had ever seen him. “You saw the pins, right? They have diamonds, meaning we can’t rule out the killer being a woman and the hallway camera caught a woman walking down the hall toward his room around the time of his murder” Carr said. “A woman? No wonder this case hasn’t been going anywhere, we were looking for the exact opposite of what they should have considered from the start. 

A woman…but Lilith had said the killer was a man. Maybe the penthouse killing was entirely unrelated, after all, the blue ribbon never left anyone alive. And the other victims of the blue ribbon had no gang connections. All this he presented to the other detectives who were usually not easily swayed. Both the killers had killed hookers, to them that was too large of a coincidence. From the tech department, someone came in to share the information extracted from Thom’s phone. Apparently, he was a frequent user of escort websites. According to the hotel, he visited every other week and spent less than a day in a room. “Do we have any doubts now, detectives?” Julien said sarcastically. 

Julien watched the frozen image of the screen. A red headed woman, a beige long coat. _Gotcha_ Julien was close to grinning and he wasn’t really sure why. It was just the first step in the right direction but something in him felt giddy with anticipation.


End file.
